Uncle Neddy's Funeral
by L.M. Pampuro
Giuseppe Vittorio Vaffanculo, a.k.a. Neddy, is not a bad person, he just holds himself in high praise. Neddy is the perfect target for Rayleigh O’Connor, member of an underworld organization and soon to be Ms. Neddy number five. As part of the Vaffanculo-Cuzzuto clan, Neddy is the perfect mark Rayleigh needs to avenge the death of a comrade by killing Victor Cuzzuto.
All Victor Cuzzuto wants to do is finally retire to the beach, spend time with his family, and hand over the reins of his Federal Investigation branch office to his protégée, Bruno.
Uncle Neddy’s Funeral - The King Of Bad Decisions.
Neddy took in a deep breath of air. A violent cough followed. Surrounded by darkness, he had zero perception, which, for him, was fortunate. His arms touched the silky sides, as did his legs. He tried stretching his feet to the end. It figured, where he didn’t need it or couldn’t use it, he had the space. His breath bounced back from the top. He could smell mama’s tomato sauce from breakfast. Leftover gnocchi and eggs made the perfect meal to get him through the day. With each exhale his heart skipped.
About an hour ago, the air became lighter, best he could tell. The stench had to be from his exhales. He tried not to smell, breathe. Leave it to Joe and Victor to come up with a plan that involved a disgusting odor. Those two could fill a room after one of mama’s meals. Not that mama’s meals were gassy, it’s just those two needed no incentives to let one loose. Neddy’s laughter broke into a coughing fit.
“Ah, minor inconvenience,” he said. In the distance, he could hear hushed voices yet couldn’t make out the conversation. The voices grew louder as Neddy assumed, people came closer.
“Be careful with this one,” Victor’s brogue came through clearly.
“Why boss,” another voice spoke. “Ya think he can feel anything?” Laughter filled the room. Neddy strained to hear the paused conversation. A couple of awkward coughs filled the space.
“Just be careful,” Ah, Victor used his I am in charge voice. Neddy knew the tone. His crew isn’t following directions. Neddy smirked. “Think of this as precious cargo.” Footsteps followed, growing weaker by the clank.
“I think the boss is getting weird”
“In what way?”
“Well he’s worried about a corpse.” Neddy smiled. He curved his temptation to knock. As funny as he thought it would be to make whoever jump at the sound, he knew better. Victor Cuzzuto would kill him.
“Victor got his job. Our job is to move the sucker.”
“Well, if Victor had finished the last job we wouldn’t be here, now would we?”
“Not our problem.”
“When will the old guy retire…” Neddy banged into the side of the casket. His head bounced off the top.
“Ouch!” he exclaimed as he bit into his hand. The casket stopped moving.
“You hear something boss?”
“I ain’t heard nothing,” came a quick reply along with a jolt. “Let’s just finish this up. Place like this gives me the creeps.”
AUTHOR Bio and Links:
L.M. Pampuro is the author of five novels: Dancing With Faith, Maximum Mayhem, The Perfect Pitch, Passenger – the only game in town, and Uncle Neddy’s Funeral. (All available at Amazon.com)
She is an avid skier, loves dancing to live music, and possess a warped sense of humor
For more information, please visit www.pampuro.com