Hi my name is Amy, and I am a vampire. For those who do not know me, I should point out that I used to be a feral vamp, living in the outside world raised by humans, until I was discovered and adopted into Vampire society.
In the human world life was very difficult for me, I knew I needed blood but did not know how to get it, all I had was human books and films telling all kinds of stuff that was useless, like I can change into a bat, and that is so not true as I tried it and all it does is make you look stupid as you flap your arms up and down! And is the sort of thing which follows you about like a bad smell as you struggle to survive in a place where everyday could be your last as you face the living hell humans call High School.
I had hoped life would be better once I was taken in to vampire society, well being a vampire sounds like it should be a cool thing to be, like sleeping during the day and enjoying a night life with friends.
Huh …….. but no one warned me of the rules and that it also meant having to suffer Teenage hormones for like forever or until my new vampire family would let me grow up!. Being a vampire was not as much fun as I had hoped and the rules are just crazy like being told I have to walk about wearing a see through nightdress with no underwear, and believe me with my bust size that is so not going to happen, I have a hard enough time as it is trying to get a boyfriend without showing him what I don’t have!
To fill in the time between discovering where best to bite someone, to be able to climb a wall just using your finger nails and at the same time snarling at the guys below that are trying to look up you your nightdress, I decided to write A self help guide to help other teenage vampire girls, and I have called it Fangs Rule and it is written in an easy to follow A - Z format explaining everything a teenage vampire girl would need to know about living life as a modern Vampire.
What is fashionable to wear when eating out?
Fang maintenance & how to keep your claws sharp.
Easy to understand clear advice is given to every day problems
Example: When you get an urge to bite: We all get those normal urges to bite things, and I must point out it is very normal, Claws are all well and good in a fight but a bite gives the extra advantage of getting a refreshing drink at the same time. Lots of girls worry about showing their Fangs in public believing that to show your fangs is rude, but don't be shy they can be a girls greatest asset (ok second greatest asset) if a boy is being rude to you, don't just snarl at him, you bite him! You are a vampire, why do you think you have sharp teeth if not for biting.
By Amy Mah
FANGS RULE a girl’s guide to being a vampire …. is a young Adult book for anyone between Puberty and Senility as it takes a close up look at life as a female teenage vampire in easy to follow A to Z advice for the reader, the book is also full of manga art which helps show the human world what life is like in a vampire world……….
Giving helpful advice such as how to explain to your Mom that as a teenage blood curdling denizen of the night you would like to paint your cave bedroom black without having a shouting match over why you don’t like the way she painted the stalagmites bright pink to go with the large stuffed pink bats hanging from the ceiling.
Everything is explained from how to polish your fangs to fashion tips and ways of climbing across a ceiling wearing a nightdress without showing your underwear.
Fangs Rule is a must for every teenage vampire and from these pages you will see why Amy says “Vampires Don’t Sparkle! …. They Bite!
Hi! My name is Amy Mah Vampire and here are some helpful hints from my book: Fangs Rule: A Girls Guide to Being a Vampire
Going out on a date: Yes we all go thought the same difficulties of what to wear, the wardrobe will not shut but I still do not have anything suitable, so after hours of searching in the end I decide to wear black as it will match my comfy shoes, ok so I have more shoes than a dictators wife but only one comfy pair and they are black, why comfy shoes? Well I have no idea where we are going so what the heck should I wear!
Now comes the date bag, why can’t a girl just go out, and when I say a girl I mean me, why do I have to look like I’m going for a 10 day vacation and not just a night out.
So let’s open the date bag and check if everything is there.
1. Cell phone fully charged.
2. Spare cash and credit card.
3. Packet of mints for after eating smelly food….er…………foreigners
4. Chap stick ….well you may kiss him and …….. it goes with the mints ok?
5. Make up mirror, why take a mirror you ask, ..er …well if I get ship wreaked I can use it to signal for help, look it is just needed ok!
6. Packet of tissues just in case you cannot find a washroom when out.
7. Keys large bunch and no I do not know why luggage keys are on the same ring with my house keys.
8. Sun glasses, hat and 100% sun block just in case you stay out early.
9. A spare pair of panties in case I sleep over ……… er not that I am planning to sleep over … er forget it ok! Look I said stop giggling and forget it!!!!
10. Precautions and protection, nowadays it is not just a boys reasonability for protection and so a girl should also take her own protection if needed, personally I take a can of Mace and a 10 inch kitchen knife and if that fails I sink my teeth into the neck!
Get it: Amazon Kindle Amazon Paperback
In a sandstorm of vampire literature, Fangs Rule is an oasis in the desert. One of the most interesting and highly original takes on the vampire theme. Ms Mah is definately one to watch out for. But beware, because she bites! ~ Charles E Butler
Overall Even though I have no inclination into becoming a vampire, I loved this book. I would recommend this to everyone ... whether you enjoy a quick, fun read or want to know more about being a vampire or you like quirky humor ... this book is for you ~MRShemery
I thoroughly enjoyed this light hearted read about vampires. I enjoyed so much; I read it in one sitting. I highly recommend this book if you are looking for something different and do not want heavy reading ~ Eva J. Coppersmith ""vintage vixen""
What a cute book!!! I wasn’t sure what to expect so I was pleasantly surprised to find an awesome A-Z Guide full of funny witty advice. Amy Mah has quite a good sense of humor, and much of her advice will help out those of us who are still Fang Challenged (non-vampire). The book is written in a font that mimics handwriting so it looks like a hand-written journal of sorts, and there are some really good Manga style drawings that bring the guide to life. ~ OBS Staff member Angie
The author Amy Mah (Vampire) is a well known blogger, that writes and blogs as a cynical teenage vampire:
Being a vampire sounds like it should be a cool thing to be as a teenage girl, like sleeping during the day and enjoying a night life with friends, huh, no one had warned me that it also meant having to suffer Teenage Hormones for so long! I am stuck as a teenager the years may pass but I am the same age! And as to the rules, so many rules, and vampire uniforms! Guys have long fancy cloaks that they are always tripping over and as to the Girls uniform, it is a 18th C Nightdress! The old male vampires expect a girl to walk about wearing just a see through nightdress with no underwear on!! as if that is ever going to happen!, they have seen far too many horror films! Life as a teenager is normally a living hell but even more so when you have fangs. The world is just out to get me, and not just by people trying to stake me because I have better teeth than they do!
The Real:………… Amy Mah
Ok you want to know about me? Well I am a little older than my Vampire self which you first meet when she is 16, and I am in my 20s.
With my books I have tried to create a different type of vampire series using myself as the main character and so with the help of an excellent cartoonist my true likeness has been changed into a manga cartoon that you will see on the book covers and also inside the books as my book is full to bursting with colour drawings of me and my vampire friends and family.
Once you get to know me and my writing you will discover that I am a little crazy ……heck make that a lot crazy as Amy Mah the vampire character is me!
In creating my vampire world I have added a lot of real stuff which happened in my past and added it into my writings so yes my life has been real crazy in the past to fit into a self help vampire guide!
Fangs Rule (a girls guide to being a vampire) is a funny, cynical and sarcastic look at the problems of life as a teenage vampire, if you think being a teenage human can be problematic you try being a teenage vampire with hormones that mean you may like boys but in a way you would like to know their blood group before you date.