Monday, June 29, 2015

Journal #15

So I have been stress eating like crazy. Friday I had a cream filled, chocolate covered donut and two german chocolate brownies.  I green lighted some vanilla ice cream and root beer, when DK got groceries, of course this means root beer floats duh. I had two saturday and a large slice of strawberry cheese cake. Stress is not conductive to healthy eating. I've also been fighting with the kids, I want them to make healthier choices when they grab snacks and have been trying to ration snacks because of the vehicle situation we can't get to the store if we run out of food, or TP, or water, or whatever.  But this seems hypocritical of me as I chug down my root beer floats.
While I need to up my calorie intake, I don't think these calories are going to help.
I've kept up on my workouts though, but I'm not getting the satisfaction I was out of them. While I'm giving it
my all, I don't feel that burn. You know the feel good pain of putting yourself through your paces, that lasts for several days telling you that you worked out good. Part is that my arm is bothering me again, so working out my arms has become difficult. There's a difference in the feel good working your muscle pain, and the I want to cut my arm off because of carpal tunnel pain. I think I'm going to up my strength training. Not sure how given my arm problems, but maybe if I take baby steps.
I joined a bodybuilding site, and gave up shortly after trying to use it.  I found the whole thing overly complicated, and everything required heavy weights. It did give me a good idea of where I want to be weight and body fat wise and had some good tools, but was focused toward... well bodybuilders who want to get crazy muscles. I don't want crazy muscles, I just want to... honestly I don't know what I want and that's probably my problem.
I don't have a definite goal which leaves me kind of floating not sure what to do or how to direct myself. I keep working out and eating whatever, but don't know to what end.

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