Saturday, December 12, 2015

Journal #39- Holiday Shopping

My stress level is through the roof, I feel like I'm going to be sick, and just want to crawl into a ball and cry. Why do I feel so crappy? I went shopping for DK. I hate shopping. Hate, Hate, Hate, HATE Shopping!!
The city is crazy, the stores are insane and the drivers have just forgotten how to drive. The fact I don't know if he will like what I got him has me ready to start breathing into a paper bag. My anxiety has hit critical mass. Why is this so hard now, when we were younger I didn't have this problem. I knew him so well, now... at least when buying stuff for him I feel like he's a stranger. It makes me feel like crap since he tends to be able to retain my random I wants better than I do. It doesn't help when his tastes change like every hour.
I on the other hand tend to be pretty steady in my interests, books, fitness, or dorky stuff that would make a teenage boy happy. The thing is I want to buy DK stuff he'll like and not just what he tells me. Saddly I tried and one got broke the store didn't have the other.
Even though I think he will like what I got him, I feel like I should have tried harder or gotten him more. Why does this stupid season have to be about freakin gifts. Why can't it just be about family, being together? Why does he have to be so picky? Why can't he be happy with something stupid like an ugly sweater or whatever random thing I get him, and not throw a tantrum like a four year old? Ok I'm being dramatic, he's not that bad but he is a guy....soooo...
I guess this is my tantrum, I'm just super frustrated and upset. Christmas shouldn't feel like this.

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