Saturday, June 11, 2016

Journal #47: A Reverse

I've read so many posts about how running allowed people to lose weight, well here's one for you folks I gained seven pounds. Before you freak, know this is not a normal situation, here's the story.
After C was born I reached a point where I didn't like how I looked, felt, or where my head was. I knew meds and doctors weren't the answer because been there, done that. So I turned to my old friend yoga. As a teen I suffered with depression, and discovered yoga helped. I stopped because well life, got in the way and well you know... as moms, wives and etc, we tend to push our own needs to the way side. Anyway I found that exercise made me feel better. I lost weight and gained energy. Last year I decided I wanted to gain back some pounds, after seeing a picture of myself I worried I was to skinny. But I wanted to do it the right way, "clean" put on muscle not fat.
I tried. I read everything, got on bodybuilding forums, ate right, counted calories, counted macros, all those things they tell you to do. At first it was going ok, but then I hit a wall. I didn't have the equipment or support to go any farther. I yo-yo'd gaining weight to just lose it again. I was frustrated. Weightlifting stopped being fun. I no longer had the ambition to drag out my free weights and lift. Around this time I was giving a treadmill, I already knew I enjoyed running so I switched my focus.
I stopped counting calories, I stopped driving myself crazy over "clean" eating, I stopped and reversed my view. I do workouts I enjoy, don't beat myself up if I miss a workout, run for fun and have no end goal weight or body type. I'm ok with gaining those pounds back, because I'm happy with myself now.

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